Monday, December 29, 2008

demise of sanity

ok ..y am i writin dis ??? y dnt knw .. is it gona mk ne sense??? i cant say.. guess smtyms in life v jst do thing v really dnt knw y v doin dem.. or mayb v dnt wan2 knw smthings... at certain points in life 1 gota look back n realise wot hv v got out of it.. or wot hv v given 2 life.... or is it jst 22yrs of total waste, whr sme othr soul wud hv had mde bttr use of d life given, gota ask 1self am i livin or jst existin, u feel ur life sux.. its all hell 4u , whiled reality is dat its bttr den mani othr arnd u, but am i doin justice 2 dis life am livin??? wot is 1 supposd 2do wen nothin in life is goin ryt 4 u n d time passin by only mskes it worse ..... d air arnd u gloomy n all negative vibes 365 days a yr, how long is 1 supposd 2 jst keep der minds away 4m d reality arnd dem... is it ryt 2 tk d easy way out cos u knw ur not strng enuf 2 tk d ryt way , 2do d ryt thing.... do v need 2 mend d ways n face d hardships or ignore d consequenses.... does d fake world 1 spins arnd gona b of ne refuge or only pave way or our own graves ,,, wot hapns wen d only 1's u care bout mk u all frustated n irritated??? u cant stand dem but cant affrd 2 loose dem eithr... wot does it tks 2 hv a peacefull life.. or is it jst d grave whr 1 can rest in peace??? o i 4gt not evn der cos dats only beginnin of d othr life.. damn des selfhelp life chngin exprenc books... wen d doomsday is ryt on ur head n u hv no whr no run wot is 1 2do den??? b all lost?? kill d soul?? commit suicide?? no my frnd cant evn do dat cos d suicidal efforts only gona mk u live d hardships f life u hv had uptil den once again.. dnt v here bout d karmas n life lessons, so killin 1self 1 f d easist way so out f options now.... now wot ???jst live wid a world filld wid gloom u4?? d ppl who care bout r all wot hapnd?? wots wrong?? but dey cant help unless u allow dem 2.. but do u really desrve des ppl??? des r d 1s who help u outta ur daily routine life n gv u a reson 2 live, but do v really desrve dem??? bein d lame lazy loser , gona lose dem all 1day , den wot??? r v livin or jst existin?? is ne gud left in us?? can v find 1 reason not 2 mk life of des ppl.... d family d frnds, horrble jst bcos our brains r fuckd up like hell??? dey dint do nothin wrong 2 desrve a fool like us, jst like v cant find a reason wot did v do 2desrve des souls arnd us???y is it dat d 1s u care bout r d 1s wid whome u often end up messin up ur relation wid???is it really worth it?? but wot wen things jst nvr go ryt 4u??? its only d wrong which keeps on hapnin ryt 4u??? a wise man said once"u nvr knw wen u so damn high on d blessed hellride".. n bamm... u end up in ur own grave.. do d death march n fall dwn wid nothin 2 cling on2... nvr did nethin ryt??? no gud in ur own life.. but yes can critisize othrs,mke dem look likde fool... wen ws d last tym v saw our own true image in d mirror?? wnt it b easy 2 c our true selves den 2 show othrs der?? cant appreciate others... but knw wot guys.. give me smthin dat is worth applaudin,, dat i genuinly gud.. i knw wot all crap u do jst 2 mk n image f u.... b all awesum n gr8... do dat b hapi ... but hi... i dnt tell u d crap u do is ryt or wrong.. so spare me n dnt tell me wots wrong n wots wrong wid me.. cos ya nothin can b ryt wid me,,dnt u fuckin gimme ne advc n attitude... am tryin 2 look myself in d mirror .. u do d same..
am not a gud person n am jst f9 wid dat... i cant do nothin ryt... dats my problem let me handle dat.. am bein unreasnbl, so let it b... its a total waste f life in me... allw me 2 drag my sorry arse 2my grave ... let d insanity prevail arnd me... cos i cant run away 4m smthin dat makes me... wots life wots death??? life's ultimate destination???is it d end dat mattrs or how v achvd it??? wot lesson am i 2 learn 4m dis life.. wots makin d head go bizzare.. y cant it all b d way it alwaz hv it untill smtym now... n sm wud say BE OPTIMISTIC.... be hapi dnt wory all wud b f9.. like d selfhelp books say.... but can i run away 4m d reality??? n pretend 2b all hapi n optimistc wen day in day out u jst find same old gloominess arnd u??? isnt it human nature not 2 tk nothin beynd a saturation point?? u dnt do nothin wrong n ppl keep on poitin fingers at u 4 smthin u nvr did... y cant dey jst let 1 b in peace... but r des trbls really arnd us?? or is it jst a state f mind??can sm1 else really mk life terrible 4 ppl or is it 1 demselves makin our own lives hell n findin excuses 2 blame it on othrs??? u knw it all n stil u do it wrong??? who is 2 blame 4 1s plight??? fuck d crazy brains cos it only makes life bizzare.. shud v live in d moment n not think of wot will cum outta it or b all calculatv?? is der ne1 who is goin 2 b der 4u alwaz or u will go jst d way u came?? bare naked in evry aspct of life..... hv i lost my sanity or am i on d verge of losin it??? whr do des thots cum 4m?? n y do dey blow my brains away... hw long is dis phase of dis hellride gona continue?? ?whr am gona land aftr dis?? wot crap am i bloggin here?? is it in true sense d demise of sanity????


monica said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
monica said...

Awsum work dude!
Its jst mind blowing.It seems u'v released all ur pent up emotions n frustrations thru ths blog.At certain points out thr u jst pressed d right button but thrs absolutely no answer to ur WHY's. U'v kind of echoed my own thots which r like bulbs flashing n going off.

U'v jst completed 22 yrs n d whole of ur life lies ahead of u, so u can't say u haven't dun nythn consequential yet.All i can say is jst think of d good tings tht v happened wth u whnvr u r depressed n hey it works.I thnk blogging is nthr way to release these 'non-sense' thots.

monica said...

n yes ppl r lke 'oh wat happned' n thn thy will jst vanish, but at times othrs r also helpless n can't do much abt it. Abt comments like 'looser' all i can say is life fucks all n we all r loosers in sum way or d othr.

Ths is jst a passing phase n it'll make u stronger...jst take life head on!!

Parul said...

Amazzzing!! As iv already said, dint know u think dat deep. I guess we all knw a "shobhit" whu's completely different! Hope u must hav felt lighter after releasin d frustrations via dis blog. But seriusly ya all u say n du is nt bad, u just lighten up d atmosphere a bit :), oderwise things around wud'v been dull! Lastly wud say dat just live life to d fullest, coz dis time surely, aint cumin back!!
Keep posting.. :)

ankit said...

That ws one hell of a task to read through. Too many questions, too less the answers. Hope u find them before u pass out.
gud luck with that.
But appears to me that u r too confused to find the answers(jst my perception...vaise bhi u dont give d fuck wht i say). Questions were just too good and sensible to ask and i believe they shud be provided with the answers asap. Without them the questns will fade away with the time and u might realise by the end that u dint do nothing whereas u really cud.

Anonymous said...

this thing is intense dude!!!! very deep !!!!

vaibhav said...

this thing is intense dude!!!! very deep !!!!